This is directed toward you, in the most loving way

I wish you would answer. I mean, I answer in a heartbeat because well, you just mean that much to me. Ignoring or neglecting you feels wrong. Ignoring you when you took your time to try and talk to me, well that just doesn't seem right does it?

So is that it? I don't matter that much? Tell me I'm wrong. That's what I want to hear. That's just how I feel. Tell me I'm wrong, please. Or just do me the favor and tell me if that's the case...if it's what you want, then I'll just...I don't know. I'll leave you alone...if that's what you want.

=/ Fuck. I'm sorry. I wish I could read your mind. Maybe that would be easier for you. And that wasn't meant to sound sarcastic or bitchy. Like, I really wish I could make this easy for you. I wonder if this is still hard for you. Like, I just am starting to believe that maybe after you've been home and thought I was bitching at you through my blog that you've now just...gotten over everything. How can I know?

Well, I care about you still. I miss you still. I'm okay, but I could be better. Don't talk to me because you worry about me, or because you feel bad, but because you actually want to; because you actually miss me. Do you want to hear my voice? Have you had anymore dreams about me?

I think you're in my dream every other night. It's always so disorienting to wake up and find you over a hundred miles away.

I'm sorry, I really try not to write about you because I feel so weird knowing that you might read it, but...I just needed to write. And also, if you did read this by any chance, these are things I wanted you to know. But, I won't try and talk to you. I want to, God, just know I want to. I'll let you decide when you want to talk. I also know you might be busy. Believe me, I try to be understanding. I want to understand.

Thank you for telling me why we hadn't talked for a few days though. Thanks for giving me the chance to explain, even if you didn't believe it or if you did. I'm so sorry you mistake the things I write. I promise that I will never be so utterly hateful towards you. That would hurt.